Autumn has always been my favourite season of the year and I normally look forward to it. But this year I felt differently. As we entered September, I couldn’t help but feel tinged with sadness. To begin with I had no idea what was causing me to feel this way, but then I read this post by Emma’s Looking Glass and it absolutely hit the nail on the head.
September signified that summer was over, we were heading into another season and another year was passing me by. I am soon to be 29 and I can’t help but feel a little sad about this. My issue isn’t with getting older, it’s more that I feel like I have lost a good part of my twenties to illness. I know that sounds very dramatic and I don’t want it to come across as though I am not happy– nor that I’m not grateful for the things I do have or all that I have achieved. But I also know that, if I had not fallen ill, my life would be very different to the one I live now. I would not be facing losing my choice career, I would not be missing out on so many events and occasions and I would most certainly be doing a hell of a lot more than I am able to do now.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not resentful– I know that things will work out for me and that I will find a new purpose. I know that I will most certainly continue to find enjoyment in life. But the road to finding a new purpose won’t be easy and I appreciate that it’s also okay to grieve and express sadness over the things that you have lost or that you have had to give up due to illness. It’s not something that should be suppressed. So that’s exactly why I am writing this post.
However, as much as it is important to acknowledge and express your emotions, it’s equally as important not to dwell on them. You can’t change what has happened; ruminating on what should have been and worrying about what will happen in the future does nothing other than cause upset and stress you out. I therefore also wanted to take the time to remind myself of the reasons that make autumn my favourite season.
Why I love Autumn
♥ Being able to use my heat pad a lot more due to the cooler temperatures
Let’s be real, it hasn’t exactly been a warm summer but my home is always warm and using my heat pad in summer for long periods of time is too uncomfortable. My body doesn’t seem to regulate temperature well so if my environment is already warm and I add heat, I will get too hot very quickly. The cooler temperatures of autumn mean I am able to use my heat pad without issue and man, do I love my heat pad! It’s so cosy and relaxing. If you suffer from chronic pain and don’t have one, believe me– you need one in your life.
♥ Cosy clothes
I love nothing better than wearing cosy jumpers, knitted dresses, coats, scarves, hats and gloves. There’s something I like about being all wrapped up and warm when it’s cold outside. Plus the added bonus of being able to wear woolly hats is that you can easily hide manky hair. By now you are bound to know that one of my least favourite things to do is wash my hair (as it is a complete energy stealer). The longer I can go between washes the better and hats certainly help with that!
♥ Duvet days & cosy blankets
You’ll quickly realise that being cosy is a bit of a theme with me. I adore getting cosied up on the sofa with a duvet or blanket when it’s dark and cold outside and watching a movie.
♥ Warm drinks & soup
Autumn equals drinking hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate so I will be on the lookout for the best dairy free alternatives (cocoa + hot water on its own just doesn’t cut it for me). Though I eat soup year round, it’s always better in the autumn/winter. There’s something comforting about eating food that heats you up when it’s cold outside.
♥ Beautiful sunrises and sunsets
With sunrise being later in the mornings, it means I get to see the sun come up each day. Although the weather can of course be quite rubbish, there are those bright, crisp autumn mornings where the sky is red and the light is just amazing. The same is true of the evenings– with the sun low in the sky, the sunsets can be absolutely beautiful.
♥ The leaves turning
The colours of autumn are beautiful and I love watching the leaves change colour and seeing all of them fall. It makes for great photography, which I of course love. There’s also nothing better than getting wrapped up and going out for a walk in the park at this time of year.
♥ NFL Sundays
I love NFL and the autumn of course means the start of a new season. This means that every Sunday, my friends come round to my house and we watch the games. We have Game Pass and watch four games at once up on the projector– yes, it is as awesome as it sounds! We all also play fantasy football and that’s a lot of fun too.
Halloween
Although I haven’t been well enough to do much for Halloween these past couple of years, I still really like it. It’s such a fun holiday and we always get a few kids at the door guising (trick or treating).
What’s your favourite thing about this time of the year?
I know how you feel about losing your 20s to fibro … I’m 23 and that’s exactly how I feel. Sometimes I want to go back to being a teenager not to experience high school all over again but to experience pain-free living. It’s starting to get to the point where I don’t remember what that feels like, and that is very saddening.
Luckily there are other things to be thankful for in life. Fall is also my favorite season. Here’s to warm sweaters, steaming cups of soup and all of the things you talk about in this post. XX
There is definitely a lot of sadness to be felt in being so young and ill. I think it’s part of the experience and something we will all feel from time to time. I totally get what you mean and I too can’t really remember what it’s like to not be ill. If I woke up tomorrow and was well, it would feel so alien to me.
I love A/W too, absolute favourite seasons. I know how you feel about grieving your ‘what could have been’ life, it’s really difficult and I sometimes get really down about it but then I look at where I am and my life with my boyfriend and how happy I am – if I had my health, things would be completely different and although I’d be ‘well’ I might not have met him. Or my Spoonie family, including you 🙂
I’ve just bought a very cute new blanket for days out in the chair. I love chunky scarves and hats. I also really like the dark nights, I find them peaceful and they appeal to my darker side lol.
Sarah | sarahinwonderland.co.uk <3
That’s a great way to think about things Sarah and absolutely, through being ill I have ‘met’ some wonderful people like you 🙂 I need to go and buy myself some new blankets as my bloomin’ dog has claimed the ones I do have haha! Yeah there’s something nice about being inside and cosied up when it’s dark outside, isn’t there?
Lovely post. Thank you. I look forward to Fall as well. More time with my heating pad and blankets. I think I’ll buy some slippers to prepare!
Thank you Angie. I’ve been using my heat pad pretty much every day now 😀 Slippers are the best!
I totally agree with everything you said about Autumn. Autumn and winter are my favourite seasons, actually hate the summer! I’m feeling very down at the moment and have been signed off work. My fibro seems to be getting worse as I get older (I’m 41) and i no longer feel like i can manage full time work but all my work can offer me is 2 1/2 days per week which would drastically reduce my income so I’m at a loss of what to do. It’s not so much the pain, it’s the fatigue and lack of energy, just got nothing left to give after a day at work so this had led to mild depression. That and a few other things that have happened over the past few months have just brought on a massive flare up. I go on holiday at end of the month so hopefully I’ll feel better on my return. – Joyce x
I’m sorry you are feeling so down at the moment Joyce, I can really empathise with your situation. I cannot tell you what to do but experience tells me listening to your intuition is the best thing you can do for yourself. If you feel you are headed downhill and do nothing to change things, you are going to continue down that path. Having been there and done that, I wouldn’t wish the result on anyone. Maybe have a think about your job and what it is about it that drains you so much. Could any accommodations be made? Is there another line of work you could look into? I think you will be able to relate to the post I am publishing tomorrow. Enjoy your holiday and use that time to really reflect on what you want in life
Thank you for your kind words. The work I do is just clerical work, it’s not the work or workload but the going to work 5 days a week which is the problem. If this rest doesn’t make me feel better then I will have to just go part time to 2 1/2 days cos my health is more important to me than anything. Of course my work’s absence policy doesn’t help matters. When you’re off it triggers a report then they tell you that you cannot take time off sick again for another 6 months! This puts a lot of stress on me cos, as you know yourself, the least wee thing or bug can trigger a flare up. Other (selfish) members of staff come into work ill so I end up catching what they have but as I have fibro and a lowered immune system, I get it a lot worse (had a cold for 6 weeks now!), Anyway, I’m going to go take a look at today’s blog. Hope you’re well.