Fibromyalgia: Re-evaluating Pacing

I have previously written two blog posts on the importance of pacing when you have fibromyalgia (see here and here). At the time I wrote these posts, I said that I was far from mastering pacing but that I was beginning to learn what pacing truly meant. I have been working hard to build up what I am able to but I am beginning to realise that I still have a lot to learn about pacing and that I perhaps need to approach it differently.

I feel as though I have reached a plateau in terms of my recovery progress over these past couple of months; one that I can’t seem to get past without inevitably crashing. I’m sure most people go through this stage and I think this is probably the point where some will give up or resign themselves to the fact it can’t get any better. I know there will be people reading this post who don’t believe it can get better, but I personally believe that it can and I am definitely not giving up on that hope.

It’s hard to admit when things aren’t working and can be even more difficult to admit to yourself why it’s not working.

The easiest option is to give up and go back to old habits but I am not doing that. I have come so far and I am a very determined and stubborn person! I feel this attitude is what will ultimately work in my favour.

It’s time to change things up

Instead of giving up, I’ve taken a step back and re-evaluated where I’m at. I believe the problem lies in the fact that I am trying to run before I can walk (figuratively speaking, I should add!). I think I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself because I have been holding onto the hope of returning to work. The stress associated with all of that is clearly not helping my situation either, it has to be said.

This pressure (which is all self-imposed I must say) has made me try to progress too quickly and this therefore results in crashes. My body simply reaches the point where it cannot do what I am asking of it. The good news, however, is that I now know how to handle flare ups and what would previously have taken weeks of recovery, is now taking me 3-4 days. So overall things are going in the right direction.

The problem lies with the fact that as soon as I recover, I try to move forward again at the same pace.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results- Albert Einstein

Where am I going wrong?

I believe where I am failing is that I’m not getting through each day with some energy left in my tank. By the end of the day– even sometimes by the afternoon– I am typically exhausted. It doesn’t really matter that I am pacing my activities well because overall I am still doing too much. I know this because of what I just said, but also because I am seeing an increase in symptoms over the course of a day. That is a hard fact to accept because I am still very limited in what I do in a typical day. I believe this is exactly where the problem lies.

I still make comparisons between my current abilities and what I think I should be able to do as a healthy person. I see what I do each day as “not an awful lot” and feel like I should be able to do more. But life just isn’t that simple when you have a chronic illness and this is a terribly unfair way to think.

Changing how I think

I’ve decided to give up being unfair on myself and that means I need to stop making comparisons. I have a chronic illness and, right now, I am not capable of doing all of the things that a healthy person is. That’s fact. Instead I need to remind myself of how far I have come and stop focussing all my energy on where I want to be. I need to let go of work and push it to the back of my mind. Finally, I need to trust that– if I get things right– patient persistence will pay off.

A new approach

I have decided to go back to basics. I figure that I need to find my baseline again– that is what I can do in a day without causing an exacerbation of symptoms. Basically that means being able to get through the day feeling well at rest and reaching the end of the day with some energy left in the tank.

The reason why I feel this is important is because then, and only then, can my body begin to repair and heal properly. Living in energy deficit (which is what I am doing now, despite doing “hardly anything”) essentially gives my body no chance or hope of recovering.

I know that it is possible to reach the point where I feel well at rest because I have been there before back in January. The problem I had is that I took this as meaning I was further forward in my recovery than I actually was. I then went forward full steam ahead and made a return to work in the February. This caused me to have a massive setback and created so many new issues– I made myself pretty much bed bound again and my body couldn’t even tolerate sitting or standing up for any length of time either, among other things. It seemed like I had pretty much undone all of my hard work and like I was starting all over again. I am not back to where I was before I returned to work and I feel it’s because, as I have already said, I am trying to progress too quickly.

This won’t be easy and it won’t be straightforward either

Slowly, slowly wins the race and I have made the decision to slow right down. Walking, even with frequent breaks, is causing an increase in my symptoms and exhausting me. I am therefore going to focus on gentle stretching and yoga over walking, to place less energy demands on my body. Then, when I reach the stage where I feel well at rest, I need to stay there until I feel that way consistently. Then and only then can I start to increase my activity. The way I will approach things now is that any time I feel an increase in symptoms I will take a step back. When I try again, I need to do so at an even slower pace.

It will be tough. No one likes to essentially do nothing and life is sure to get in the way sometimes– there will be times when I choose to do something and face the consequences. But I truly believe– if I am to progress forwards in the long-term– this is what I need to do in the short-term.

Giving my body extra support

I know that it is not a widely accepted view but I do believe there is a level of mitochondrial dysfuntcion in my body. Mitochondria are the little energy powerhouses that exist in our bodies at a cellular level. I believe my body simply fails to produce the energy I need to get through the day and I am therefore always in energy deficit.

I feel that I give my body excellent support through following the Vital Plan Restore Program. One of the supplements included is actually called ‘Mitochondrial Support‘ and it is great. However, I also feel that, whatever is going on with me is quite complex and that perhaps my body needs additional support above and beyond the restore program.

I feel as though I have built a really solid foundation for recovery over the past 11 months and I have achieved things that I didn’t even think would be possible (I will blog about this in more detail soon). I just feel like I still need to unlock the steps that will enable me to progress further. A big part of that will be to continue what I am already doing and to pace myself better, as discussed in this post. However I also feel like I need to give my body a bit of extra support while I do this. I have therefore began to take d-ribose and I will also be trying acetyl l carnitine (both of which support mitochondrial function).

All of this will hopefully be what I need to do to help me progress in the right direction. Although slowing down may seem like a backwards step, I can’t help but feel it will be the necessary step to take me forwards.

One final thought

I think what’s worth bearing in mind when it comes to recovery is that there is no quick fix and no one thing that will help. It’s a combination of things that come together to see improvement over time. It is a slow process and a frustrating one. If there is just one chink in the chain, everything can fall apart. It is a learning process and one that needs a hell of a lot of determination and a degree of experimentation. The important thing is not to give up and to work at it every day. I still believe I will get there, I just don’t know exactly when.

What are your thoughts? Is pacing an area you need to work on? Do you think I have the right approach? Let me know in the comments below.