Learning To Appreciate & Accept Who You Are

It is only natural to make comparisons between yourself and the lives of other people. And every now and again you will find yourself being that little bit jealous of someone who’s life seems more exciting, more adventurous or more fun than yours. Generally this isn’t problematic, so long as you are happy with who you are and you are grateful for what you have in life. In these situations, it’s just a case of the wee green-eyed monster coming out in you and it’s usually short lived. Sadly, for many people suffering from a chronic illness, this green-eyed monster can turn into something more dangerous. Something that can damage your self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth. It’s no secret that chronic illness means we have to make changes to our lives and adapt to our new circumstances. Often these are unwelcome changes that are done for the good of our health and typically aren’t what we would choose to do if given a choice. Making these changes are important though, as they allow us to function relatively normally and without experiencing massive flare-ups of symptoms (well, that’s the theory anyway!). We will all eventually realise that this is the best thing for us. But reaching acceptance and learning to appreciate what we do have, instead of wishing for what we don’t, is a long and bumpy road and along the way there is a grieving process that everyone will undoubtedly go through.

Firstly, there is denial. You will believe that you can still keep going as you were before and that there is no need to adapt or change anything. Instead, you will simply push on through because you are stubborn and determined that you can get through this. Unfortunately, doing so only results in a massive crash and you find reality hits you in the face like a ton of bricks. You are simply not capable of doing all the things you did before at the pace you did them before. That statement hurts. Massively. So you will push on through. Again and again and again in an attempt to prove it wrong. But you will find the outcome is still as bitter to take as the first time and it will seem like no matter what you do, your illness always gets the better of you. Damn.

Then you get angry. Angry that this has happened to you. Angry that no one seems to understand what it’s like. Angry that nothing you try seems to work. And anger leads to some more determination. You begin to research more treatments looking for that cure that will get you back the life you had. You will try everything and anything. You are desperate for help…. And it just doesn’t seem to happen. You try different drugs, alternative therapies, diet changes etc. etc. Sure you will find some improvements, for example, diet changes can make a positive difference to your energy levels, but you’re yet to find the cure you were hoping for and this sucks. Big time.

Reality starts to dawn on you and you realise that the chronic part of chronic illness means long-term; you aren’t going to fix yourself overnight. And if you keep going like you are then you will run yourself into the ground and reach breaking point. My body certainly seems to have a cut-off switch for when I’ve done too much and it simply shuts down and I can no longer function properly. I can go from being able to walk miles one day to pretty much being bed bound the next. It’s quite nifty that my body does that in a way. It’s like self-preservation. However, it takes a long time to reach a point of recovery afterwards and it’s just not worth it. Realising that you are unable to push on through like you were before can lead to you feeling very low. You can start to hate your body for failing you and consequently begin to hate yourself, resulting in low self-esteem, low self-confidence and low self-worth. It can get so bad that you can find yourself wondering why anyone loves you when you don’t even like yourself. A dangerous place to be. Sadly, I don’t think I’m wrong in saying that the majority of people with chronic illness have found themselves in that place to some extent at one time or another.

It takes time to adjust to changes in life and process the grief of losing the life you had before. Dwelling on it, unfairly comparing yourself to others or wishing you were someone else is grossly unfair on yourself. I have said this before and I will say it again. Chronic illness does not define you. It does not make you who you are. You are still the same person as you were before you got sick. It’s just unfortunate that you now need to make sacrifices to get by in life. Life can be a bitch but everyone will have to make sacrifices at some point or another, they will just be different to yours. As I said above, reaching acceptance is a long and hard road and you will get there in your own time. I’m personally not quite there yet and I’m probably still in denial about quite a few things but I’m challenging myself to change the way I think. I’m starting to think it’s important not to get too wrapped up in chronic illness. I know that sounds very odd when it feels like it dictates every aspect of your life. I’m personally trying to not think about life in terms of my fibro and what I can’t do because of it. Instead, I’m planning my life so that I am more able to do the things I want to do. This might mean taking the odd day off work so that I can have a rest day. It might mean prioritising some events over others. It often means missing out on social events or things I would quite like to do but I’m starting to realise I can’t have it all. I’m not saying I succeed at this all of the time. In fact, I have been failing quite miserably recently and have been feeling rather low but hey, I’ll pick myself up again. And you can too. Being able to see life from the viewpoint of what you can do, instead of what you can’t do will really change how you feel for the better. Accepting and appreciating who you are is the first step in that process.