If you were to catch a glimpse of me walking past in the distance, you might mistakenly think I am sporting a large tattoo on my arm. A bloody awful one though, it has to be said! I’d like to think it’s because I’m totally badass enough to pull that off but it’s actually because I do have a colourful mess on my arm– it’s just not a tattoo.
My mum and husband did delight in laughing at this fact. Thanks so much guys, it’s exactly what I want people to think– I’m that girl with the terrible tattoo. Who in their right mind would get a green/purple/black/yellow mess of a tattoo though? Getting this mess on my arm may have been painful but no one came near me with a needle. I created this bad boy all on my own.
So how did I get this epic bruise, I hear you ask? Well, there I was, home alone on a Saturday night. I was just sitting down to watch the X-Factor (yes I was that bored) when I heard this large crash downstairs. Turns out some guy had broke into my house! What ensued can only be described as an epic battle. Of course it was a struggle and I was left with a terrible injury. But you should have seen the other guy! I totally kicked his ass…
Okay that may not have happened. But if I’m gonna sport a badass bruise I may as well have a badass story to go with it, right? I’ll spare you the other stories I came up with. I have a ridiculous imagination and after it happened I did spend quite a bit of time trying to think up an impressive explanation as to how I got the bruise. The truth is just a little embarrassing and I didn’t want to admit to it.
It turns out I should not be left alone when I am super tired and exhausted because I cannot be trusted not to seriously harm myself. I was carrying some food in one hand from the kitchen and as I walked through the living room I thought it would be a good idea to close the blinds– seeing as it was dark and all. After I did this I turned around and promptly tripped over the sofa and shoulder charged an open door, before landing in a heap on the floor #shouldhavegonetospecsavers. Who falls over a sofa?! A sofa?! It’s hardly small. Thankfully I did have an eye test booked a few days after and I can confirm that this incident was not a result of poor eyesight. Rather, it was a result of me being a total idiot. On the plus side I do have skills– my food landed perfectly and I didn’t spill a thing!
Though this incident was stupidly embarrassing, it has to be said that I found out I am totally badass after all (I’ve used that term one too many times in this post!). That fall hurt, like REALLY hurt, but there I was, lying on the floor, more concerned and upset about the food I had dropped than my actual self– I was very happy to see it had survived the fall. I guess it didn’t bother me so much because I know that acute pain passes, it’s no biggie. I’ve definitely developed a higher pain threshold and I guess I’ve got fibro to thank for that.
Please make me feel like less of an idiot and share the stupid things you have done in the comments below. It will make my day.
I broke my ankle falling down the stairs once. You should see the scar I’ve got from my op!
I’m always falling over stupid things.
Don’t feel stupid. Even people without fibro fall over stupid things.
Ouch that sounds incredibly painful Michelle!
I too have two bad ass bruises atm (from needles though) however I once severely hurt my wrist through misjudging a door frame and punching it with my wrist bone as I won bled through. You are definately not the only one. If I could see my bum I would probably find lots of big bruises as I always seem to land on that!
Oh those sound so painful! Poor you 🙁
Ouch still looks painful but I can trip over large items of furniture to. I’m always bumping into things to. At home I have 2 high gates a bit like baby safety gates but taller meant for dogs who are high jumpers and I get through them fine I go to my mums however who has a low gate as my youngest sister & her little boy still live there and it gets me in he thigh evertime by time the bruise has heeled up its time to visit this again & the gate gets me again. I had a very large chocolate labrador once & went to go upstairs, tripped over him & split my head open which needed glueing, still can’t work out how I managed to trip over him even to this day. Xxxx
I’m forever bumping into the corners of my bed, you’d think I’d learn not to do that by now lol. Sounds really sore bumping into that gate. Dogs can be brilliant at getting under your feet sometimes, that sounds extremely painful- ouch, poor you!
I love thinking of funny excuses as to why I’ve got a bruise, when really I’m just incredibly clumsy haha! Last night I walked out of my front door and just…fell – don’t even know how haha.
I hope you’re alright now, the whole food staying safe was impressive haha!
Hazel xx
Haha oh dear that sounds like a sore one! It’s definitely more interesting to come up with stories isn’t it?
Just the outline of the bruise that exists now, like it never happened! Haha I know, some skills– I would have been devastated if I lost my food lol 🙂
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
Haha yeah, definitely a sore one!
I fell on playground equipment and got a bruise that covered more than half of my inner thigh. And yes, I’m an adult. Ha!
Oh that sounds like a sore one!