I have written extensively on the importance of pacing when you are living with an illness that is defined by chronic fatigue and pain, such as fibromyalgia. The whole point of pacing is to avoid the boom and bust that would otherwise result. Boom and bust is the term used to describe overdoing it on a good day (boom) and then suffering from post exertional malaise and increased pain afterwards (bust). The worsening of symptoms experienced is typically disproportionate to the activities you did and can last for days, weeks or even months.
In the early days of my recovery, it was really important for me to stay within my limitations and pace myself. My body was so weak that pushing myself would have had devastating consequences. I found this out the hard way. My attempt to return to work in February is a good example of this. By pushing myself to try and return to work I set my recovery way back. My body could not cope with what I asked of it. In fairness to me, hindsight is a wonderful thing and I did not realise just how detrimental returning to work would be. I had thought that I would be able to start slow and build up what I was able to do. Sadly, that was not the case.
As my health has improved again and I make steady progress, I have begun to ask the question “am I living or merely surviving?” My focus has been on taking each day as it comes, keeping myself under threshold and minimising my symptoms as much as possible. This has of course come with many successes and benefits. It makes me ecstatic to be able to write that pain is generally no longer a significant issue for me now; it has become background noise. The problem is, in doing this, each day has blurred into one. I feel as though my life is on pause, waiting for the day I can consider myself recovered. I am so focussed on my end goal that I feel as though I am forgetting to live and enjoy myself in the mean time.
Now that I am feeling stronger in myself (in comparison to how I was a few months ago), I have been back and forward on how I feel about this. I don’t want to feel as though I am missing out on life. I came to the decision that perhaps it’s okay to push myself on the odd occasion if there is something I do not want to miss out on. I am very intuitive and I know my body well, so I feel like I know when I can do this and when it’s just not worth doing.
A couple of weeks ago I went to a surprise birthday we had for my brother’s 30th. It’s a big occasion, one that obviously only happens once, and I was not prepared to miss it. The week before the party I rested as much as possible so that I was in the best place possible to attend. Did I feel great? No. But I still made it and that was a huge achievement for me. Yes, I was sensible. I did not consume alcohol and I spent the vast majority of the time sitting down. But I did it!
If truth be told I probably should have come home after a couple of hours. The stubborn side of me was not for that though! Yes I endured pain, yes I was so very tired but it was great being surrounded with brilliant people and I was able to enjoy myself. I ensured that I was able to give my body what it needed in terms of rest afterwards and I will not be pushing like that again any time soon.
Is this reckless? Probably. Could I do it regularly? Absolutely not; I would end up crashing again and going back to square one. There is no way that I am going back to that!!! But in the same light, I am happier for it and looking after your mental health is just as important as your physical health.
Life with fibromyalgia is a balancing act. Pacing is undoubtedly the most important factor to living well with chronic illness. However, so long as you can physically manage to do so, stepping out with your comfort zone on the odd occasion can be worth it. The key point is ‘odd occasion’ and you also have to be prepared for the inevitable ‘bust’ that will follow. If I wasn’t able to rest and give my body what it needed afterwards, it probably would have been a different story.
Thankfully now that my body is getting stronger and I am no longer pushing on a daily basis, I feel like I can take the hit. The ‘bust’ I experienced was not as bad as I had anticipated. My energy was very low following the party but the good news is I did not experience the surge in pain that I usually would have. To me, that is nothing short of amazing.
What do you think? Do you avoid ‘boom and bust’ at all costs or do you give yourself permission to push every now and again?
It is so hard because when I feel well I tend to do loads and then suddenly im exhausted again! (I have crohns) you have to be one step ahead at all times!
Yes it’s really hard not to over do it on the good days. Pacing is really important in stopping flare ups for me but I do think pushing occasionally can be worth it 🙂
Am I living or merely surviving? I have been asking myself that question a lot lately. Sometimes I am not sure. My world has become so small. I rarely see anyone for pacing myself and putting my health first. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me at all, but it has lately. The first 7 years after being diagnosed I was not in pain all the time. I take better care of myself now and yet the pain is always there, every single day. Not sure if it’s because of my age or from having fibro so long now. I have found ways to manage the pain but sometimes that is a full-time job. It is summer the weather is nice…but I haven’t gone anywhere or done anything. Saturday I am going to a family cookout come hell or high water. It may be just what I need.
I am so glad you had a good time at your brothers party and that you are doing well. Take care.
It’s hard isn’t it? Doing the right thing by our health can make us feel isolated, but doing what we want makes us feel worse. It’s a total balancing act that I am still trying to figure out. I’m sorry you are having to deal with worse symptoms now. You are so right when you say managing fibro is a full-time job in itself, my GP made that exact same comment to me. Thank you
Oh, I struggle with pacing. I find that I have to just organise my days so that I’m doing less because I overdo it so often. Like you, the days just blend. I’m surviving but anytime I try to do anything more, my body freaks out. 🙁
Pacing is difficult isn’t it? I know what you mean. Rest still predominantly features in my day.
I struggle with pacing so much but I’m slowly getting better. So glad you got to attend your brothers party.
Sarah | sarahinwonderland.co.uk
Thanks Sarah, I think pacing is a skill we all learn to become better at with time. It’s just a shame we often learn the hard way!
Love this post! I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Not sure I’ve worked out the answer yet, but I’m fairly recently diagnosed. I’m trying to learn some sort of balance I think.
Thank you. To be honest, I’m still trying to get to grips with it all but I know I need to ‘live’ more than I have been in recent months 🙂 I think it’s one of those things that’s an ongoing process and takes quite a bit of trial and error
I’m tired. I’m tired of pacing. I’m tired of having to think about my every move. I’m tired of the pain, the fog, the unending tiptoeing around life that I’m having to do. Every day. I’m just tired. I’m sorry.
I hear you Kathy and no need to say sorry. I appreciate it’s exhausting and can feel relentless at times.
Thank you. Thank you for saying that. I’m in the middle of cooking Thanksgiving dinner and I sat down with a cup of tea to take a break. I’ve been working on the meal since Monday, lol. And then, in a few minutes, it’ll be over, everyone will be gone, and I’ll be squalling. But thank you for this word of encouragement. It helped. I felt like I had just received a very gentle hug. Happy Thanksgiving, Donna.